Rix RAW recap 5/2/11

Well, it's post-Extreme Rules, post-WWE Draft. It's time to get down to some wrestling, right?

*The Rock's Birthday Celebration*

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...

Okay yes, I understand that in the world of professional wrestling you're going to be seeing a lot more talking than the name of the "sport" might imply, heck South Park did a whole episode essentially parodying that very notion. And I'm overall okay with that.

The problem is that, typically, the talking and the other assorted nonsense furthers the overall "plot" of the show, setting up and perpetuating the "reasons" for why two grown men (or women) would climb into a ring in their underpants, in front of thousands of people and pretend to fight.

So it greatly troubles me when, in what should be the most important show in a while for WWE, we instead shift focus on the Rock, who won't even be wrestling for another year or so! Don't get me wrong, much of Rock's antics here, and it was fun to see other wrestlers in the back
ground and such just being goofy. Still, to steal a schtick from Doctor Ian Malcom, "You do plan to have WRESTLING... on your WRESTLING SHOW? Hello? Yes?"

But this rant has gone on for too long without context, so let's just get to the recap proper.

• AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!: The show opens with a recap of the events of 9/11 and the WWE's response to that fateful day. Personally, I have no problem with this, and not just because WWE video packages are usually fantastically done. Nah, the fact is that when something huge happens here in America, I expect WWE to comment on it in some way, and this was completely enjoyable. Not to mention, we get an appearance from Lilian Garcia, and she wasn't looking half bad at all.

• The Celebration Begins: The Rock is next to hit the ring and, in true Rock fashion, milks the intro for all its worth. The Rock is never NOT entertaining, sure, but this "party" of his just takes way too long to get started. It also stands to mention that, who should interrupt Rock, but Michael Cole. Sure, he gets the Rock Bottom and the People's Elbow, but he just needs to stop consistently getting in the ring! Also, can anybody tell me what the hell that new "sign" Rock kept using? By the end of the night, it seemed obvious that he was trying to make it his new "symbol". I think DDP is going to have to keep an eye on this one.

• The Truth/Morrison Situation: Now 30 minutes into the show, we FINALLY get some wrestling. OR DO WE?!
• No we don't. In what seems to prove that they have nowhere to go with this storyline, R-Truth attacks Morrison on the ramp before their match can get underway. Truth spikes Morrison, then leaves, then returns to spike him again. I didn't see the point of any of this. What are they trying to get across? That R-Truth is bad? I think we got it after the ten minutes they gave him to talk last week. That him and Morrison don't like each other? WE GOT IT! Now lets see these two actually wrestle!

• A Turning Point in the Divas Division?: Another "match" occurs, this time with Kelly Kelly and Maryse. Literally a minute into the match (after Kelly has landed a "devastating" series of moves), we get the second appearance of Kharma (AKA Awesome Kong). I was hoping Kong would just jump in and destroy everybody, but sadly she just stalks down to the ring (and Maryse has to sell being "stunned" this whole time), and performs and Implant Buster on Maryse. It's somewhat satisfying, and I really do look forward to Kong's stint in WWE, but sadly I feel like she could have made a bigger impact here. I guess they're building her up slowly.

• Wrestlemania Rematch: FINALLY after about an hour into the show, the first actual match happens. It's the Miz vs. John Cena in what, by all accounts to me, should have been how the Main Event for Wrestlemania REALLY went down (yes, I know Miz had the belt at Wrestlemania, but still). This match was either pretty darn good, or the lack of wrestling thus far on the show made it look better than it was, but either way I was entertained. Cena actually showed a couple of moves he doesn't normally do, including a standing dropkick, and both wrestlers showed resiliency by kicking out of one another's finish. There weren't a ton of big spots, and the match had a slower more deliberate pace, but at least it felt like these guys were trying unlike when they fought at Wrestlemania.
• Heck, I even thought the finish was pretty good. Miz nails Cena with the belt, but doesn't have anywhere to hide it so, when he does get the 3-count, the ref actually sees Miz with the belt and disqualifies him. It had a bit of a swerve with Miz actually being declared champion again for about a second, and then giving the belt back to Cena. I still think they need to let Miz win matches without cheating if they really want to build him as a credible heel, but whatever. Good match.

• Mysterio and Kingston take on Swagger and McIntyre: Two wrestling matches in a row?! What is this madness? Anyway, Rey and Kofi take on Jack Swagger and Drew McIntyre. This was another fun match, and that's mainly due to the talent involved. Rey and Kingston had some nice double-team spots, and McIntyre and Swagger worked well at getting heat as the heels in this match. Overall, just a solid match, and with Alberto Del Rio sitting ringside, I wouldn't be surprised to see him involved in a rivalry with Mysterio (given he bad-mouthed him throughout the match, a not-so-subtle hint at future WWE storylines).

• Can't Stop the Dumb: I should mention now that, inter-cutting the whole show were skits with the Rock and various other superstars at his birthday party. These were hit and miss, most of which being throwaway gags that Rock manages to save from being completely worthless. However, after the long intro and the giant lull that followed without wrestling, I just couldn't get excited for any of them. They weren't bad, but again, this whole event just seemed somewhat out of place in a show that A.) Followed a PPV, and B.) Followed the effing WWE Draft! I mean, it's been a week and I still don't really feel like all that much has changed.

• Where Did that Come From?: What turned out to be the last match of the night (so I guess the default main event?!) was Kane vs. Mason Ryan of the New Nexus. This puzzled me, because quite frankly, shouldn't this be where Miz v. Cena should have taken place? As it was, the match was essentially an attempt to put Ryan over as this big powerhouse, as he ends up overpowering Kane a few times until Nexus jumps in and interferes. Heck, when the Big Show comes in for the save, Ryan spears him, and this is AFTER he blocks a Kane chokeslam! I may just be repeating my bullet-point title here, but honestly, WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? Also, it's weird that Kane and Show are already going to have a rivalry with the whole of Nexus after they JUST dismantled the Corre. This whole finale just felt... weird.

• Annnnnd we're out: Naturally, the real finale of the show had Rock back in the ring. Vince comes out (which was surprising), and he introduces a video package of Rock's legacy, including his childhood, college years, and career. It's well done, as should be expected, and then Maya comes out to sing happy birthday to him (marking the second useless cameo by a musical artist, and about the twentieth cameo overall). Rock says his famous line, the pyro goes off, confetti drops, and that's it.

Therein lies the problem last night's RAW. It's fine if WWE wants to celebrate Rock's birthday, but it utterly dominated the entire show. It was fun in spots, sure, and frequently entertaining, but I watch wrestling shows to watch wrestling.



And it's not just me, that seems to be the common consensus of fans of professional wrestling. For those reasons, I can't give last night's RAW higher than a 2 star rating.

Now that that nonsense is over, it's time for their to be actual wrestling, right SmackDown? RIGHT?!

Until then...