CHEESE-A-MANIA RUNNING WILD

Recently, at the compulsion of a community project on ComicVine.com by one XeroxKitty, I made a photo comic of sorts using some of my old WWF action figures.

Now, I'm no photographer, but since I'm hard up for new content and under the influence of some major writer's block here, I figgered I'd share these pics with my readers (whatever few I have). Hopefully you enjoy them and give you some nostalgic jollies...

i-Rix Review: WWE All Stars

Professional wrestling's been a big part of my life ever since I was a child. Take that as you shall, but much like the industry's quality, even I'll admit that the quality of professional wrestling games fluctuates from great to embarrassingly bad. From that heap arrives WWE All Stars. Between its list of classic wrestlers and fun over-the-top action, there's a lot to potentially love in THQ's latest foray into the squared circle. However, a laundry list of finicky issues and lack of compelling content cut-down this top prospect in its prime.

CONTENT

The first big failing in WWE All Stars comes from its rather meager selection of modes and match types. There are one to four player variations in standard matches, tornado tag matches, cage matches, elimination matches, and "extreme rules" matches, but that's about it. Also, because of the way each match plays out, there's just not a lot of variation even in these different match types. These all play into the two main single-player modes, Path of Champions and Fantasy Warfare.

In Path of Champions, you take a superstar of your choosing through one of three "story-lines" in order to become a WWE champion. Each of these is accompanied by some pretty brilliantly produced cutscenes that have the champion of the given path taunting you in true professional wrestling fashion (the best of these involving the Undertaker and PAUL FREAKING BEARER cutting promos from their funeral parlor), which flesh them out more than simply being a series of matches on an arcade-style ladder. Fantasy Warfare, on the other hand, takes one superstar from the current generation and pits them in a "dream match" against a classic superstar. While the video packages that splice actual footage of both superstars together as if they were actually feuding are spectacular, and matches like Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. CM Punk for "Superior Lifestyle" make complete sense, some of these just feel a little forced. I'm sorry, but there is NO competition between John Morrison and Randy "Macho Man" Savage for "Most Charismatic". Throw in a pretty meek suite of online modes, and you've got all that WWE All Stars has to offer.

GAMEPLAY

Of course this is a wrestling game. Wrestling should be tantamount here. And for the most part, WWE All Stars is a lot of fun. Four attack buttons and two defensive buttons make up your combative capabilities, and by combining these together, you can string strikes, grapples, strikes and grapples, and signature maneuvers together in creative ways. There's a good, almost fighting game level of depth to the action that makes experimentation both fun and rewarding. The first time I saw my little brother bounce a guy up with a powerbomb, grab him out of the air and flip him over only to Spear him out of mid-air with Edge, I knew there was some big potential here.

Further adding to the variation is the fact that each wrestler falls into one of four categories that help determine his moveset and abilities. For example, Big Men like Andre the Giant and Kane have devastating strikes and grapples that throw the opponent around the ring and can absorb more punishment, where as Grapplers like Mr. Perfect and Jack Swagger can link together grapples into a near-infinite chain of punishing slams and submission holds. Further adding to the mayhem are Signature and Finishing moves, each governed by their own meters. A multi-tiered bar (which also governs your wrestler's stamina for running) can be expended to use a Signature maneuver, which are unique, show-stopping moves that can devastate your opponent and turn the tide in your favor. They also help substantially fill your Finisher meter, which when full, lets you charge up your wrestler's finishing maneuver which can end a match outright. Knowing when and how to use these, and experimenting with them is all part of the fun of All Stars.

But sadly, there are some extreme caveats to that fun. As I stated, All Stars is pretty lacking in modes. Once you beat the Path of Champions a couple times through with different dudes and finish up Fantasy Warfare, there's not a ton left to play around with. Part of this is due to a disappointingly small roster and, whilst other competitors are already up for DLC and more have been announced, the way THQ is dolling them out at a snail's pace isn't doing the game's short shelf-life any favors. This is expounded by the incredibly weak online options. It's enough that the modes and options aren't there, but with no penalty for rage-quitters, copious lag, and nobody playing online, there just aren't any legs to the game.

Lastly, even the minute to minute gameplay in All Stars has some big blemishes. For one thing, certain options in combat aren't viable in the least. Options like using weapons are worthless. Spotty hit detection and random happenings may be acceptable in wrestling games as a norm, but that doesn't make them any less aggravating. All Stars is no exception, and the fact that this is a game much more about fighting game execution than any other, that is doubly so. The first time you botch a reversal that you KNOW should have worked, or when your rope spring miraculously doesn't hit the opponent despite passing right through him, you'll be making a Cornette face.

PRESENTATION

The presentation in All Stars is similarly spotty. The cartoony artstyle fits perfectly with the action in-ring, and the animations given to these over-the-top moves are smoother than any recent wrestling game. Epic moments even occur in the slow-motion uber versions of your given wrestler's Signature and Finishing moves, and although the exaggerated physiques of each ring warrior look a little ridiculous, ridiculous is what this game's all about. Of course, the video packages and in-engine cutscenes (complete with more than competent voice-acting) are the best parts of the presentation here. Sadly, there's just a lack of character in the rest of package, and even some of the action is stilted with emotionless wrestlers going at it and some minor clipping. Also, as repetitive as this game already is, having to look at the same five or six rings doesn't help matters at all.

FINAL VERDICT

WWE All Stars is a fun game that is kept from greatness with its inconsistency. There are good ideas in the game's content, but it's overall lacking. The gameplay has some spectacular innovations, but a lack of polish keeps it from elevating above a certain base level of enjoyment. The presentation is inspired in points, and lazy in others. Overall, if you're a fan of professional wrestling, you'll want to check out All Stars if only for a novelty. There's something potentially special here, but there are just too many mistakes in this rookie outing. It's a prospect to watch, but right now it's just middling in the mid-card.

WWE All Stars gets 3 stars out of 5.

"One Million Percent..." Macho Man: (1952-2011)

I feel that, since I've started this little blog up because of a life-long love of professional wrestling, I'd be remiss if I didn't say SOMETHING about today's events.

Today is a sad day. Plain and simple. The Macho Man is one of those larger than life persons that, if you were alive at any point in his long and storied wrestling careers, you know who he is. Personally, Macho Man has always been one of my favorites since I was a kid. His rivalries with some of greats of the WWF era are among my favorites, and Savage persisted well into my adolescence as the constant pinnacle of wrestling prowess both inside and outside of the ring.

The Macho Man so persisted in my life that, only a few years ago, when my Public Speaking class at Mt. San Antonio College required that we do a dramatic reading, I chose to recite a classic Macho Man promo to the class.

Whether he was wearing neon, black and white, red and black, or whatever, Macho Man was always amazing. Rest in peace, Mach. May you forever drop atomic elbows in the afterlife.

Welcome to the IMPACT zone...

Because the "mild collision zone" didn't sound as good. Yes, I have decided to make a place where I can focus my newly established wrestling posts in.

It's not that I think they really DESERVE their own special place, but rather that, when compared to the typical stuff I wrote about on my main blog (video games, movies, comic books...), the pro wrestling stuff just seemed to stick out like a sore thumb.

So, as somewhat of an excuse to just flesh out another blog design, I humbly welcome all five of my faithful readers to their one stop shop for my off-brand analysis of professional wrestling madness. I hope you enjoy the ride.